The one thing everybody wants more of, time. Time is something I cannot watch. If I do my few remaining days will go to waste. At the present moment I have stabilized, that is my condition has not gotten worse. My current issues for life termination are germs and blood loss. The floating cancer cells have no confirmed home in order that those cells might build a tumor and finish me off for good. My oncologist tells me I have severe inflammation. No kidding doc, I bleed internally (the blood and fluid drain into a leg bag that is hooked to a tube in my left butt cheek) and have high doses of pain meds. 150mcg Fentanyl plus 25mg of oxycodone keep my pain low, but not at zero.
What I miss most now is writing. I can no longer sit so I kneel at my laptop to get a few words on the page.
T.V. is my main companion. Name a show, I've seen it, or gave up on it, no plot, no watch.
Over the past few months, I have read stories and essays on Medium regarding what the writer thinks it is like to be dying. The writings don’t match up with my life. Dying slowly is not without pain. In fact, there are three kinds of pain I deal with every day. Stinging sharp pain, agonizing pain, and sore aching muscle pain. All three are different and each requires a different treatment.
Sharp pain needs base pain relievers like Fentanyl and Oxy, but it also requires lidocaine prescription…
